Open-Sourcing My Rap Song About Hunter Biden
There is enough suffering in the world without adding to it a debut rap act by a fifty-something Jew in New Hampshire with slight musical talent, no knowledge of recording, and several other deficits that would impede such a project. Nevertheless the dissident muse I hear commands me to acts of creation that neither I nor anyone else can justify. One of the more recent and less defensible ones is a rap song about Hunter Biden.
I hereby release the following lyrics under a CC BY 4.0 license in hopes that actual musicians will adapt them, record them, and make a video. The license allows for commercial use, so please, get paid. I only want lyrics credit. While they are conceived as a rap song, any other approaches (reggae? country?) are welcome. Explicit language as befits the subject, you’ve been warned. Links go to fun facts that you may not have heard from the legacy media.
Note to “fact-checkers”: This is satire, go eat beans.
The Hunter
He's The Hunter, look out baby you may be the quarry When you're the son of the president you never say you're sorry He's The Hunter, baby he smoked every rock in Cali Living like a star but beware of your finale
Driving 'round the Palisades, puffin' on a blunt Calls his own stepmother a moron and a cunt Blessed with a good head of hair and charisma Makin' mad money from connections at Burisma
From Georgetown to New Haven, he's the smartest man you know A genius-level artist, he out-paints Van Gogh He's sensitive, don't ask about his older brother Beau It's kind of a touchy subject, the subject was his widow
Devouring himself like the ancient ouroboros He's hanging out the passenger side with George Soros Managing that capital, he knows how to plan good Holds that camera steady as a hooker eats his manhood
The Hunter, drinking White Claw in rehab Hard to get respect when your whole career is prefab The Hunter, he's a connoisseur of vagina Making crazy bank off of oil sent to China
Searching for love on these lonely streets again Missing that Russian, smoking dab out of her vape pen Will he ever find love and peace of mind? Grabs a new girl by the hair and he hits her from behind
Bettering the world through his work as a lobbyist Snorting that blow, makes Scarface look like a hobbyist Dom in the fridge and leather in the Mercedes Can't find a friend so he's paying for his ladies
He wants to be the man, wants to be an A-lister But he's haunted by his father taking showers with his sister Lied to the ATF to buy himself a gun He points it at the camera and the camera at his buns
The Hunter, the Biden who is poetry in motion Gets high, drops trou, and jumps into the ocean He's The Hunter, at this rate there ain't gonna be a next scene Make problems for the Democrats, you're gonna get Epsteined
[Note: one of the selfie videos from the laptop leak showed Hunter Biden in a car being driven by an older man. Speculation that the latter was George Soros, despite the resemblance, was disproven. The rhyme is too good to give up.]